I started this blog to try to do something positive with my pain, and, once I thought of it, I felt like I was finally lifting out of a hole. It gave me purpose and something positive to think about, so I avoided ruminating on the crap.
Over this past week since I began writing this blog, I’ve been concurrently transitioning off of one anti-depressant so I can start another in a different family. My current anti-depressant makes me so tired that I have trouble getting anything done. After several days of weaning off of the meds, I feel like I am back at square one where I was over a year ago and I don’t feel like doing this blog right now. It is scary to be vulnerable, and I feel too sensitive to expose my feelings on this blog. By writing here I risk getting hurt and feeling worse.
I did not have an appreciation for the amount of patience you need to deal with addressing depression, ironically, when you are at your worst at finding patience. For example, when I finally got the courage to call for an appointment with a therapist I found out I wouldn’t be able to get in to see her for 3 months. I didn’t imagine that trying to find help would make me feel worse.
It is very difficult right now. I am lucky to have supportive people to help me. I’ll try again soon to reach the goal of reporting my full story related to depression due to running loss on this blog. I hope it will help me work through it, and possibly help other runners feel less alone. I will keep trying.
Runner, Interrupted 