I have been at a loss for where to go next with this blog. If I’d like it to gain traction for its intended purpose, I will need to publicize the blog to get others to contribute and form a support network. The idea of making myself more vulnerable is daunting, especially now when I’m not quite on stable footing.
I guess I will give an update on my progress.
Regarding my medicine to deal with anxiety and depression, I’m working with a new nurse for my medicine, because the person I had been seeing retired (I don’t think she listened to me anyway, but I didn’t have the energy to find somebody new). I have not seen anybody in person regarding my medicine since December, and I am disappointed with the system that I was unable to get an appointment until April, especially when my medicines were still in flux. The office told me it took time for them to roll in all of her new patients.
Regarding my anxiety and depression, I am seeing a new therapist, because attending appointments with my previous therapist are in violation of my restraining order (all entrances and parking spaces are within less than 100 yards of the medical facility that filed the restraining order. In fact, their parking lots are separated by the width of a chain-linked fence). I was hoping to wait until the restraining order was over to go back to the therapist I was seeing, because I LOVE her, but I still have a lot of anxiety over the legal process and what I experienced that were weighing me down and I wanted to start to work through. I have had 2 appointments with my new therapist so far, and I feel lucky that she’s great so I don’t have to keep searching! We are going to work on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and other methods to help me find ways to let go of this experience. Our goal is for me to search for the good that has come out of all of this so I feel grateful.
And, regarding my running…it’s coming along. I signed up for the Big Sur Marathon last summer. I am struggling through training and finding the joy I used to in running. I am using a novice training, instead of intermediate, to reduce the stress of longer miles more often. I began training in January, and I almost immediately remembered why I swore off spring races. Running in the snow and ice isn’t just difficult, but it’s dangerous. I wear special running cleats for the ice, but I worry about how they change my gait. And, up until the past couple weeks, it has been mighty dark during those pre-work morning runs. Ick. I deal with that every winter for 3-4 mile runs, but 10 miles in that is dismal. In addition to the weather, I think I’m getting old* and the medicine I was on during most of my training hindered my recovery, so it’s been a tough road. Anyway, for about 5 years I have had 2 running goals. One was to run Big Sur, and the other was to run a sub-4:30 marathon. I think I will reach the former, the later is way out of reach right now…
*I didn’t want to mention this, but let’s be realistic here.
Runner, Interrupted 